The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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