Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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