I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
