i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
