Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
