He is such a slut. More and more my type.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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