Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
