I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
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