remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
