Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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