I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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