it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Randomize
