If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
a search helicopter?!
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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