I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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