It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
