i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
