Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Randomize
