All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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