dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
