I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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