is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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