He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
