I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
