Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
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Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
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i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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