covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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