I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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