Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
