New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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