walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Randomize
