why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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