Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
