How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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