I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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