Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Randomize
