I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Less talking, more tequila
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
