**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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