...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
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Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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