thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
