textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
