She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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