i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Randomize
