I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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