listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
