I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
