i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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