arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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