@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
