God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
