I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
