The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
