I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
