It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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