I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
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it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
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Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
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