i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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