using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
