I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
We just shotgunned beers for America
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
