I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
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is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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