with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
