i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
