We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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