there's paper in my vomit.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
