Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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