best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
MIDGETS
????
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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