THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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