And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
