Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
