dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
