I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
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I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
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Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
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