if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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