Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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