this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
