just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
