i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
