You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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