please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
